You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
