Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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