oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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