Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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