One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Randomize
