Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
