I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry about my life...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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