Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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