This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
