i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
