She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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