and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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