I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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