the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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