Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
