The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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