it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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