Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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