the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
