No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
