It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
