I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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