he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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