Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
