somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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