Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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