she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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