I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
