i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
