Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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