you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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