My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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I need to calm my uterus...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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