What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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