You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
