My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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