her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
