Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
