Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
