Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
