ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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