If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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