before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i love accidental penises.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
