Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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