do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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