just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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