glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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