Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize