i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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