So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
