omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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