when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
