It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
