apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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