We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Are we still banned from the library?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
