Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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