He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
