that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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