i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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