a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
